It's been a while

Hello,

I know it has been a while, but nothing much has changed. I now weigh 355 that is good news. Jenny is great and Stevie is still Stevie.

Isaac gets his big cast off in 2 weeks. He is really doing better.

I watched Dr. Phil yesterday and it was about obesity, normally I avoid these programs like the plague, but yesterday I watched and he said something that really stuck. He sai to loose the amount of weight needed you have to literally change your life and I had never thought about that before. I guess it was like a light bulb went off that not only am I going to have to stop eating so much I am going to have to actually get off my butt and move. I have about 10 excersie videos, all unopened that I am going to have use. I have to lose weight or I am gonig to die. I think I really depressed and in a funk but I am not sure what to do about it. Actually I know what I have to do. It is called get off my butt and move. So we will see how this new week goes.

That's all for now

What is life?

Heavy question for such a nice day, but I am really wondering. Why am here and would anyone care if I was gone the next day? I mean really, what does it all matter. I am trying to lose weight but on the TV all weekend it has talked about how I am going to die since I am fat. At what point does it become too little too late? Also I am getting old. I will be 37 on my next birthday (if i live that long) that is right close to 40 and that is when everyone talks about getting cancer and dying of heart attacks. I had a dream last night that I had to have open heart surgery and I wondered if the surgery was worth. I am just not sure. And what am I going to do with my life anyway? I would very much like to work for either the sheriff's department or rescue squad, social work or something like, but once again I think my weight gets in the way. I know I use my weight was my shield, my wall and it is the perfect excuse for everything. But I am tired of using it. And then I stop and think, did I use that for too long and now it is too late to do anything. I just don't know.

Super Bowl Sunday

Hello,

I know it has been forever, I just have alot of mixed feelings going on. On the weight I am down to 352. I hope to be in the 340s this week!!!! Stevie is still Stevie. He went to Michaels and bought some really neat stuff. Jenny is taking great strides in walking. It is really exciting. She should be walking by herself hopefully in the next month or so. Nothing has really changed. Still cleaning at night and listening to Stevie during the day. I did get my new family tree software and I have been working on that. That is really exciting.

In regards to my weight. They have been talking on TV about heart disease and sometimes I wonder if i have screwed my body so bad that there is no hope. I used to be scared of death and within the last week it just doesn't bother me at all. I really don't understand. I am loosing weight, but I wonder if it is too little to late. I really don't know.